And I thought: all this time I’ve been jealous of him. I’m fucking jealous. To be honest, I felt pretty fucked when I realized he liked the same things I like. I mean, every fucking thing. And I was like
I don’t want you to like the same things I like. I LIKE Vincent van Gogh, not you. I LIKE Fedor Dostoievski, not you. I HAVE a huge books collection, not you. I HAVE beautiful and big brown eyes, not you. I HAVE an eating disorder, not you. I HAVE insomnia, not you. I’M FUCKING DEPRESSED, not you. I CUT myself, not you. And y’know why all these stupid things?? Because there was the afraid that people think I do all those things and more just because of him. Because I was influenced by him. No! I’m not influenced by him, in any way. I’m very jealous with my things. My things are mine, not yours. When I find someone with the same taste as me, it’s great. But almost the same fucking things?? Bitch, please. So yeah. I admire him because he has some great songs, but I hate him at the same time and that’s because I’m jealous.
If I say something stupid, people hates me. If people read something stupid said by Richey, oh my, he’s a god. And y’know what’s the worst thing of all this?? That you’re going to hate me!! One of the things I admire the most of him is that he was the cheap prostitute of the band, and he knew it. And he laughed of that, in everybody’s faces. The irony, y’know. He took it to the extreme, and you have to love him. He did it his way. He drew his own destiny, he created an icon, he tattooed himself on everybody’s brain, didn’t he?? You will hate me because of this: thank you.
I can’t understand why tumblr allows people to upload porn gifs, and I’m trying to upload a cute gif (cutest cat ever) and tumblr doesn’t let me!!
Tumblr: I WANT YOU TO DIE RIGHT NOW DROWNED IN PORN GIFS.
I was shopping with myself trying to find:
- an animal print bag
- an animal print wallet
- an animal print necessaire
and the only thing I found was a beautiful pair of animal print earrings. Of course in my city nobody understands that animal print is the new fashion, even if it’s out of fashion. Oh Lord God, have mercy of this city…
I am the only one who doesn’t have tracks on tumblr?? Pls, no… Why I don’t have tracks?? ‘Cause it makes me nervous. Really. I can’t stand the tracks, I just can’t.
I’m gonna start a new business for 2 weeks: sell fireworks. Here in my country it’s pretty common that people like me (who needs fast money) sells fireworks. Instead of prostitute myself, I’m gonna sell fireworks. So I’m gonna do that business during this two weeks.
This year was a very special year, y’know. I have done so many things!! And I have known so many things… and so many people… I’m gonna make something kinda like a timeline, to make this easier.
- I discovered tumblr. On January 2. An excellent way to start 2011.
- I got into the Manics. On February 1st. I’m serious. I remember I’ve read "…and Richey Edwards has disappeared on February 1st, 1995." And I was like “really, bitch? Really?”. On February 2, I realized what I was reading (I’m an idiot). I hated him from the very first time, with the same intense I loved him from the very first time. I prefer not to talk about what I think about his lyrics and stuff ‘cause everyone will crucify me.
- Mr. L caught my eye. Lol, my tumblr crush!! Or my ex tumblr crush or whatever. Funny days… winter days for me, I was sitting next to the stove thinking about what could I do to get his attention, but, as usual, no ideas came to my mind. Good thing ‘cause he hated me, I’m sure of that. I also refuse to talk about the present, cause I can’t figure out what he’s doing now.
- I met a lot of lovely people here. I never imagine I could be so beloved and hated at the same time. Sometimes I take the audacity of thinking I’m a rock star, or the best writer ever, and sometimes I like to think my followers are my fans and the “other” people are my detractors. That’s such an insult for all of you, and I’m sorry. But, y’know, sometimes is funny. I’m a mediocre artist. And I have that shit of “low self-esteem” and “the ego”. I put a watermark on my pictures cause I made it and you not. Copyright shit, y’know. Artists love copyright. “I’m an asshole but I made this picture, I want it to be noticed.” I think all that shit of being noticed is to fill the low self-esteem hole, we need to fill it with something. Pointless stuff, but we need that kind of vanity. At least I do. But I want to say THANK YOU. For the reblogs. For following me. I still can’t understand how are you following a person like me, I don’t deserve it. Thank you very much ♥♥♥♥
- After 6 years, I left my old church and I came to a new one. I met a lot of new people, and I met God better than ever. Is the same God, in a different place, at least for me. I feel incredibly good in my new church. I feel like I found a escape, a new escape. I feel closer to God. I feel crazier than ever. It’s the best feeling ever. Every Sunday morning, I’m there and I’m in heaven. I know most of you don’t agree with me (I love that fact because I love to respect everyone and most of people can’t respect me), but fuck the world, I wanted to share it anyway.
It’s Christmas season and I’m making a balance of the year. Weather is hot than ever and I’m feeling like I want to remember all those kind of things. Y’know, random thoughts.
This generation will not be a generation of writers. At least here in Uruguay. Lord God have mercy of this country…
The only two songs I’ve ever listened by Placebo were “Song to say goodbye” and “The bitter end”. And y’know what?? I really liked both songs.
The past few days, I was thinking about my ex tumblr crush. Y’know, I still think he’s cute and stuff. But I also remember the crazy things I told him… OMG I think about it now and I’m a little embarrassed. He never spoke about it -when we still talked. Then he blocked me, and I was so embarrassed… I felt like shit. I don’t know what he thought about me, maybe he thought I was an obsessive schizophrenic, or maybe I was really creepy with him, I don’t know. But I know he knew that it was me the person who sent the anonymous message saying “you’re my tumblr crush” and blah blah blah. OMG it took me ages to write that message… and to send it. I also remember all those beautiful pictures… It seems he doesn’t have a tumblelog anymore. Good thing. I also remember when he wrote posts on his tumblelog and I answered them on my blog, haha OMG I’m so ridiculous… Sometimes I sent him anonymous messages, and I always used words like OMG or "y’know" and stuff, words that I always use. Because I wanted him to know it was me. Maybe that was my mistake. Maybe I shouldn’t take care of someone who doesn’t cared about me. But, what the fuck, I did it ‘cause some things he wrote made me feel really sad, and I thought he needed a word. All that he needed was a slap on the face, haha just kiddin’. I don’t know why I always thought he’s a boy who needs a lot of love. I mean, I’m serious. So much love in the form of a friend, a girlfriend, or whatever, someone who listen to him, but who really listen to him, and someone who really understands him. And I still think he needs a lot of love, genuine love. I don’t know why I always had this idea, and the idea that he’s a very special boy, I don’t know why. Lol, I’m making this something philosophical. Well, these are my random thoughts.
I’m a terrible soldier, but I’m a great partner. I risk my life for my partners and I kill everyone who’s in my way. The problem are the planes…