Random thoughts

This year was a very special year, y’know. I have done so many things!! And I have known so many things… and so many people… I’m gonna make something kinda like a timeline, to make this easier.

  • I discovered tumblr. On January 2. An excellent way to start 2011.
  • I got into the Manics. On February 1st. I’m serious. I remember I’ve read “…and Richey Edwards has disappeared on February 1st, 1995.” And I was like “really, bitch? Really?”. On February 2, I realized what I was reading (I’m an idiot). I hated him from the very first time, with the same intense I loved him from the very first time. I prefer not to talk about what I think about his lyrics and stuff ‘cause everyone will crucify me.
  • Mr. L caught my eye. Lol, my tumblr crush!! Or my ex tumblr crush or whatever. Funny days… winter days for me, I was sitting next to the stove thinking about what could I do to get his attention, but, as usual, no ideas came to my mind. Good thing ‘cause he hated me, I’m sure of that. I also refuse to talk about the present, cause I can’t figure out what he’s doing now.
  • I met a lot of lovely people here. I never imagine I could be so beloved and hated at the same time. Sometimes I take the audacity of thinking I’m a rock star, or the best writer ever, and sometimes I like to think my followers are my fans and the “other” people are my detractors. That’s such an insult for all of you, and I’m sorry. But, y’know, sometimes is funny. I’m a mediocre artist. And I have that shit of “low self-esteem” and “the ego”. I put a watermark on my pictures cause I made it and you not. Copyright shit, y’know. Artists love copyright. “I’m an asshole but I made this picture, I want it to be noticed.” I think all that shit of being noticed is to fill the low self-esteem hole, we need to fill it with something. Pointless stuff, but we need that kind of vanity. At least I do. But I want to say THANK YOU. For the reblogs. For following me. I still can’t understand how are you following a person like me, I don’t deserve it. Thank you very much ♥♥♥♥
  • After 6 years, I left my old church and I came to a new one. I met a lot of new people, and I met God better than ever. Is the same God, in a different place, at least for me. I feel incredibly good in my new church. I feel like I found a escape, a new escape. I feel closer to God. I feel crazier than ever. It’s the best feeling ever. Every Sunday morning, I’m there and I’m in heaven. I know most of you don’t agree with me (I love that fact because I love to respect everyone and most of people can’t respect me), but fuck the world, I wanted to share it anyway.

It’s Christmas season and I’m making a balance of the year. Weather is hot than ever and I’m feeling like I want to remember all those kind of things. Y’know, random thoughts.

One year on tumblr

In a few months will be a year since I’ve been here on tumblr. I was thinking about my firsts posts, they were all in spanish. And with no tags. I also remember my first tumblr crush: Giorgo. Hell yeah, that british kid. I liked him, and his art. And then I realized he wasn’t that cool, so I gave up. I thought he was always on LSD or something. His female followers loved him, I could see that in every single of his posts. Lol, the notes!! 239847 notes in a stupidness. But that was pretty obvious, in fact, if you’re a cute guy, young, with a great talent, funny and you don’t give a fuck on anyone, girls will kill for you. Then I paid attention in someone, Mr. L, and I was like “aaahh, he’s so cute, and sensitive, and intelligent, and everything…”. But he was very special, I don’t know why. At one point, I wanted to be his friend. Is not too much difficult to know what he’s doing now, but I prefer leave him alone. It was enough with all those messages I sent to him. Compared with me, Nancy Spungen was just an ingenuous peasant. But the days and nights with all those people were really funny. The day I started to follow Catharina, when I got mad because of the credits on my posts, when I met Lunáticos Diamantes, when I watched a lovely video made by Julia and I was like “oh my, she’s so sweet…”, the cold nights when everyone said “OMG soooo hot in here” and I was like a fucking ice cube. Awww, those days…  But, well, as Nicky Wire said, “…the best times are yet to come”. And the people I met now: Laura, Angie, Anna, Nikki, Ryan, Natalia, Abrianna, Sistersun (what a shame, I can’t remember her name!!), Katherine, and so many more… Oh people, you made my year ♥

Stupid people

Why people are so stupid??  Always asking for things in the wrong way. I’ve disabled the anonymous questions. Everytime I receive an anon question, that person is always mistreating me. Why?? Do you think because you go anon you have powers or something, or you have the right to mistreat me?? Fucking no, you’re wrong. But people don’t understand. People never understands. It’s so difficult for you being nice to me?? What kind of manners do you have?? I hate this modern world.

“I eat and I dress and I wash and I can still say thank you” - Yes, Manic Street Preachers.

Yeah, these are manners, not yours.

“Baby, if I act like that, flipping my blonde hair back, push up my bra like that…?”

My problem is that I pay too much attention to those people who doesn’t deserve attention. I mean, instead of worry about myself, I worry about others. I see a post on my dashboard that says “I’m sad and blah blah blah…”, and I know how sadness feels. And I start to want to help, and I send messages because I want to help. Because it’s something that I always wanted, that people supports me and talk to me. But it seems people doesn’t understand. Well, people never understands. And they start like “Thank you very much, I’m going to sleep, goodnight!!”. FUCK-YOU. I never wanted to start a conversation, I only wanted you to know that we, your followers, are here to help you if you need us. It’s pretty obvious that nobody needs nobody in here. No, I know what you need. You need a girl all covered in tattoos, with big boobs and a long and blue/red/blonde hair, that never talks to you and who treats you like a dog. I mean, a full-time bitch. And then everyone are complaining because they’re single and stuff. Because the girl you like always going to cheat you and the girl you need will always be a good friend for you, just that. Unfair world… It’s like girls, the boy we like will always be a villain with us and the boy we need will always be a good friend to us, just that.

So I’m not gonna talk to the people I follow anymore. It’s pretty obvious they don’t need me. I’m gonna talk with just a few people, 4 or 5 of 198. Is that what you want, right?? Well, I LOVE to please you. I’m not a full-time bitch, bro. That will never be me.

…but this is 4 real

I’m feeling like shit. I feel incredibly sad. Today, I was showing myself like a boss, like I was so over this shit… But no. I’m fucking weak, I’m fucking sensitive. And I can’t fucking help it. Those two anonymous questions, that rude ones, that shit, it brings me down. But people don’t understand. They love to insult and mistreat people, in the most coward way. They have no idea who I am, how the fuck I feel. And they don’t give a fuck about it. Why I can’t say what I want?? It’s MY tumblr, if you don’t like it, get the fuck out. Is that simple. But people don’t understand. It’s kinda like a banal entertainment, cheap entertainment. I wish I was like them, easily amused, easily dumb. And then people ask me “why do you hate people?”. I’m feeling like shit.

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